If your Valentine’s Day plans fall through, there’s a Bernie Sanders phone sex line

I’ve been trying to get through to the Bernie phone sex hotline 1-833-NOT ME US all day, but I keep getting the busy signal. I’ve had to sate myself with the few videos on Instagram, because there’s nothing more progressive than a woman playing up her sex appeal to advocate for social justice.

In a take-off on the campy phone sex ads of yore, a woman lounges before a fire, writhing about in tiger print. With serious eye shadow, accompanied by a 70s beat, she gazes seductively into the camera.

“The best part of a fantasy,” she whispers breathlessly, stroking a rose across her cheek, “is someone there to share it with. Don’t you agree? My fantasy is Medicare for all. For just $27 you can make my fantasy a reality. Donate today. Feel the Bern.”

A blonde in leopard print holds a phone to her ear and coos to the viewer to “come closer. Closer. Closer. Closer. Okay, that’s fine. Sorry, I couldn’t see you so well. My prescription isn’t covered by my healthcare plan. But if you call and donate today, we could have a president that believes in Medicare for all. Don’t be shy. Do you feel the Bern? I sure do. And I should probably go get it checked out. Another reason why we all need healthcare. Call today, I’ll be waiting.”

Launched by comedian, writer and director Amber Schaefer, this campaign, released on Valentine’s Day, is meant to draw viewers in with a little comic sex appeal. Schaefer was also the brains behind The People’s Perfume campaign, another pro-Bernie ad. This was a take-off on the absurd perfume spots that show careless wealthy pretty people frolicking about in nature. The ad touts “Medicare for all,” and features a perfume bottle topped with a bobble-head Bernie.

Schaefer is also responsible for #HotGirlsForBernie, and is part of a group called Titsout4Bernie, in which women from both coasts team up on the best ways to do hot grassroots organizing for the 78-year-old Senator from Vermont. They want to show that his supporters aren’t just bros. Although, this kind of advertising might be just the thing to draw more bros to the cause.

Speaking to Refinery 29, Schaefer said “I wanted to make sure the ads feel luxurious. I think there’s a misconception about socialism that it means we can’t have nice things. I love nice clothes, I love designer clothes, I love perfume, I love lipstick. I also love talking about income inequality and prison reform. Democratic socialism is really just asking people not to economically oppress each other.”

Though her ads may be titilating, Schaefer definitely has the wrong idea about socialism. Socialism is not typically known as the political system that allows for everyone to have luxury. Instead, socialism advocates for equity, wherein everyone has the same things, and that has typically resulted in everyone having the same reduction in lifestyle as opposed to elevation.

Putting the word “democratic” in front of “socialism” doesn’t actually change anything. But it sure does sex it up a little. If only all the socialists in history facilitated lingerie limousine lipstick parties for the lumpenproletariat, maybe the gulags would have had more lasting power.

While Bernie supporters like Schaefer independently craft memes and campaigns in support of his socialist message, Mike Bloomberg has been paying influencers to make memes for him. Bloomberg, who will be officially entering the race come Super Tuesday on March 3, has jumped into the social media verse using the best tool he has on hand: his giant pile of cash.

After it was revealed that the new Bloomie memes were not naturally occurring, but a product of the campaign’s efforts, Instagram launched a new “branded content” tag that will show on posts made by paid influencers. To his credit, Bloomberg was not shy about owning the fact that he hired creators to create for his campaign.

The campaigns and their supporters know that the kind of typical political advertising that has been shown to date is inadequate in its reach and message. Quippy, sexy, fun, creative messaging across platforms is the only thing that many voters, especially young ones, are apt to pay attention to. Whether they care if those ads are naturally occurring from a creative supporter base or rise fully formed and funded by the campaigns themselves is yet to be seen.

For now, I’m gonna keep trying to dial the Bernie phone sex line, because there’s nothing more enticing than political pillow talk. Oops. The line’s still busy. I guess lots of people want to hear the erotic messaging of socialist ideology.