Couple sues fertility clinic after finding out mother was having a boy not a girl, calls it 'just like rape'

Heather Wilhelm-Routenberg and Robin (Robbie) Routenberg-Wilhelm wanted to have a girl. They used an egg from Robbie and a sperm donor to conceive a child, with the CNY fertility clinic in Latham, New York overseeing the process. The clinic allegedly promised it would be a female, but Heather and Robin ended up having a boy, so now they’re suing the clinic.

In an interview with the New York Post published Sunday, Heather went step-by-step how she ended up in this situation. As a mother that found out she was having a boy, she claimed the news put her in a depression as it brought up memories of being assaulted by men in years past.

The outlet reported that the lawsuit against CNY is on 11 counts including "breach of contract, medical malpractice and battery."

By the time Heather and Robbie wanted kids, they were beyond 35. Robbie had previously tried to conceive a daughter for the pair via IVF, but it ended in a miscarriage.

So it was Heather’s turn to try.

The lab at the CNY fertility clinic assured the couple that they would not have a boy because of the site’s genetic testing process.

However, at the 15-week ultrasound appointment, Heather found out she was having a boy. It came as a shock to both the mother and the OB-GYN.

Heather explained the moment, "That’s when I flipped out, that’s when I felt my body was taken hostage. I assumed it was someone else’s embryo, not the wrong embryo of ours. It scared the s–t out of me. I don’t know how to explain this — it felt like there was an alien living inside of me."

She continued, "Not only was the baby in my body not ours, but the baby in my body was male and he was put there against my will, just like rape. I started having flashbacks: I was waiting in the bed, which is what I was doing both times when I got assaulted. Robbie was afraid to leave me alone. We just had to wait till the next morning to find out if the baby was male. It was dumbfounding and traumatizing."

Heather said she and Robin didn’t want to have a boy because of the societal standards that the gender demands. "People say, 'Oh, he’s a boy, let him hit you,' and all the camouflage and guns don’t help. It reinforces masculinity, and that’s a reminder of the assaults every time," Heather said.

Heather and Robin had the CNY fertility clinic conduct an investigation into the situation. The process itself took seven weeks, and during that time the mother said she felt no connection to the child she was carrying.

"During that time, I had no connection to the baby inside — I figured I would be giving it away to its real parents. I tried not to think about being pregnant," she says

Heather eventually got the news that it was indeed Robbie’s "male embryo" inside her body. She described it as like reliving the first miscarriage all over again.

That’s when she highlights the legal aspect of the situation. In describing the CNY clinic, Heather argued "...they messed up something so integral; the fact that there are no legal requirements about these procedures should strike fear in the hearts of all parents using fertility services."

With it now being a year and a half after her son was born, Heather still thinks about what she calls "the mistake." She says trying to breastfeed him can be a stressful moment, given how her son’s face contorts into that of other men Heather knows in her life.

"I literally thought I was going insane. There were several incidences of suicidal ideation, some of which were very dangerous. I had complex postpartum depression. I never want to come off ungrateful. If I was, he wouldn’t be here," Heather said.

As a mother, Heather is capable of seeing the similarities of her partner in her child. She speaks of her boy’s mannerisms in a loving manner. But there’s more to it for her, deeper down.

"When it’s just us, it’s amazing! but when we’re out in the world, he’s a symbol of something, being socialized as the same people who did bad stuff to me," Heather added.