'Sex positive' fat activist says men with rape 'kink' should be able to pay to drug consenting women

The BBC is receiving backlash for airing a Bill Cosby documentary in which a self-proclaimed "fat sex therapist" argued for allowing men to pay to be able to drug and have sex with women.

"If we actually grappled with the fact that sex negativity is what causes this type of behavior, then we could create a world where in an idyllically sex-positive world, someone is able to pay conscious women to come and be drugged so that I can get my kink out, my fetish on having sex with unconscious people," Sonalee Rashatwar said in a segment. "There’s a consensual way to do that."

The comments were made during the four-part documentary titled We Need to Talk About Bill Cosby which originally aired in the US on Showtime last year.

We Need to Talk About Bill Cosby is a "revealing four-part documentary series from writer/director W. Kamau Bell offering a deeply personal exploration of Bill Cosby’s descent from 'America’s Dad' to an alleged sexual predator. Exploring the complex story of Cosby’s life and work, Bell invites comedians, educators, journalists and Cosby survivors to have a refreshingly candid, first of its kind conversation about the man, his career and his crimes. Bell takes an unfiltered look at his legacy and the unexpected ramifications for an industry that enabled him," according to a Showtime description. 

Following the airing of the episode in the US, Rashatwar posted a formal apology on Instagram, writing, "Let me explain why I was wrong" in regards to the comments made.

"A culture of sex negativity does not create the conditions for rape. It creates the conditions for sex shame. Cosby is not a case of sex shame. I endorsed violence against sex workers with these words and I am so sorry. Sex workers should be treated with respect. Consent is as vital as it is in any other sexual encounter," Rashatwar wrote.

"I should not have discussed consensual non-consent in kink and BDSM in the context of Cosby. Rape is not a form of sexual deviance. Rape is an abuse of power. I want to practice in a mental health field where sex workers can work alongside sex therapists to rehabilitate problematic sexual behaviors. But this vision does not belong in a conversation about rape or Cosby. Rape is about power, not consensual desire," Rashatwar continued.

"A person cannot consent to sex once they are incapacitated. Consent requires the ability to be withdrawn and using substances to the point of unconsciousness limits this ability. This post is not discussing the consensual use of substances during sex," Rashatwar added. "Being given substances without consent is violence. Cosby is an example of rape, not BDSM or kink."

"This apology is intentionally not addressing the morality or validity of abuse kinks. As a survivor, I do not pathologize the existence of abuse kinks. i am sorry to everyone i hurt with my comment and inaction. i took this opportunity rather than passing it on to a sex therapist who is Black. i understand why i was wrong & appreciate the time you took to read this," Rashatwar concluded.

Rashatwar’s website states that Rashatwar, who lists they/he pronouns, is a clinical social worker, sex therapist, public speaker, community organizer, and "donut lover."

Rashatwar is the co-owner of Radical Therapy Center in Philadelphia, which provides "trauma informed, client-centered services and products that have an intentional anti-oppression lens."

Rashatwar came under fire in 2018 for speaking at the University of Vermont, in which a flyer for the event stated that "thinness is a white privilege beauty ideal," with others stating, "literally throw your scale in the trash," and "we cannot have conversations on body image and fatness without race, disability, and class analysis," according to Breitbart.

In an Instagram post from Tuesday, Rashatwar wrote that "BMI is used as a tool to measure how pure (thin and good) or sinful (fat and bad) a person is, so society can determine whether you have value or not."

"Becoming superfat has informed my perspective here. Being superfat in public is a lot harder than when I as a small fat (fatcalling, painful waiting room chairs with restrictive arms, slim restaurant booths, narrow grocery store aisles, tiny bathrooms, cultural events with no seating options, organizing meetings in spaces with stairs, etc.)" Rashatwar added.

In another post, Rashatwar wrote, "People will try to convince you that fat isn’t natural, but don’t let them fool you. Fatness is all around us, never out of place in nature. The rolling hills, trees too wide to hug, animals we admire simply for their impressive size: elephants, whales, bears."

Rashatwar advertises events on Instagram including an "Anti-Diet Liberation Support Circle," "Fat Liberation Conversation, an Intersectional Discussion," and "Sexing the Fat Body." 

In a February Philadelphia Inquirer piece, Rashatwar spoke on terms like "aromantic," "demisexual," and "gray asexual," stating that in offering these terms to clients Rashatwar sees "this expression of relief, that they have a word that offers space to explore what they’re feeling."

"Ideas about fluid sexuality and expansive gender have existed forever, pre-white European colonization. Queerness was woven into the Hindu mythology I grew up reading. I feel so affirmed and excited to have new language because it expands our shared understanding of the human sexual experience," Rashatwar told the Inquirer.

Rashatwar told the Inquirer that Rashatwar identifies as "nonbinary, butch, masculine of center, but also I have a pretty expansive experience of gender."

"For example, I still feel very comfortable being called sister, daughter, granddaughter. I have short hair and often dress in a more masculine-of-center or even neutral way. But still sometimes I wear dresses and makeup.

"My experiences of gender are really impacted by growing up as a fat kid, because fatness is inherently queering of gender. I’ve read articles by (writer and activist) Hunter Shackelford where they talk about growing up as a young fat Black girl and needing to shop in the boys section because the clothes would fit better, and how that experience alone has this queering — or expanding — effect."

In response to the BBC’s airing of the episode, Director of Big Brother Watch Silkie Carlo wrote, "It’s beyond belief and extremely dangerous that this has been broadcast without challenge."

Olympic swimmer Sharron Davies wrote, "How is the bbc (or any credible tv station) giving airtime to this."